


Where My Heart Says I Ought To Be

by gilligankane



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-09
Updated: 2009-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Quinn wants to be honest with herself, people warned her about this kind of thing. Finn, Mr. Schuester, Mr. Berry and Mr. Berry, Puck, and even that Jacob kid all told her that when Rachel does something, when Rachel commits to something, she does it completely and without hesitation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where My Heart Says I Ought To Be

If Quinn wants to be honest with herself, people warned her about this kind of thing. Finn, Mr. Schuester, Mr. Berry and Mr. Berry, Puck, and even that Jacob kid all told her that when Rachel does something, when Rachel commits to something, she does it completely and without hesitation.

Quinn should have seen it coming, but in between rushing home after Glee for Elizabeth, shepherding her to Puck’s one weekend and Finn’s the next, and sneaking into Rachel’s room in the middle of the night, she forgets their words of warning.

She didn’t figure they were being  _that_  serious anyway.

\---

When Santana squeals about being accepted to UC Berkeley, Quinn is genuinely happy for her. Santana gets to get out of Lima and two days later, they all find out that Brittany is going with her – not that anyone is surprised at that, really.

Matt and Mike get their letters the next week; Tina and Artie and Mercedes the week after.

“New York?” Quinn asks Kurt, looking up from paper in her hands.

“Parson – The New School of Design,” he confirms, puffing out his chest. “Tim Gunn went there.”

Quinn laughs and nods, because “ _of course he did_.” She grins excitedly. “Now you and Rachel both know people in the city. You can make sure she doesn’t get lonely, or kill anyone on her way to the top.”

She doesn’t notice Kurt’s smile dimming, but when she turns back to see his reaction and catches the tail end of his frown, she just thinks it’s because no matter how close they’ve gotten since sophomore year, he’s still harboring a little envy for throwing away that Wicked solo. She shrugs it off and makes a mental note to tell Rachel the good news about Kurt.

Puck slides into Glee on his knees, shouting about getting into the University of Phoenix, and she laughs along with the Glee kids. “Don’t worry, babe,” he says as everyone starts to crowd around him, asking him what he’s even going to go to school for. “It’s the Cleveland campus. I can come home on my weekends with the Squirt.”

“Don’t call her that,” Rachel says, sidling up to Quinn. “And don’t call Quinn ‘babe,’ either.”

“Well, well. Look at Berry, getting all defensive of her woman.”

Quinn smiles widely at them as Puck and Rachel continue to banter and in the back of her mind, she wonders why Rachel hasn’t been checking the mailbox everyday for the Julliard acceptance letter.

\---

Rachel comes back twirling the phone between her hands, dropping back to her seat on the floor Indian-style. Immediately, Elizabeth crawls back over and climbs up into Rachel’s lap, her little legs swinging in the air.

“Who was on the phone?” Quinn props her hand up under her head, stretched out on the couch.

“Finn,” Rachel says. Quinn watches her smile as Elizabeth turns in Rachel’s lap and reaches up, clapping her hands around Rachel’s mouth. “He got that Arts scholarship.”

Quinn sits up excitedly. “Really? That’s great!”

“Did you hear that, baby?” Rachel asks excitedly, pressing her forehead to Elizabeth’s. “Uncle Finn is going to be a star one day. With flashing lights!”

“Yay!” Elizabeth screams, clapping her hands together.

“Your Uncle Finn  _and_  your Rachel,” Quinn corrects, dropping her chin onto Rachel’s shoulder, looking down at her daughter who giggles up her the face _her Rachel_ is making. When Elizabeth looks away, Quinn leans her head to the side and presses a kiss to the side of Rachel’s neck, behind her ear.

“Speaking of,” she continues conversationally, kissing the top of Rachel’s jawbone. “When do you find out whether or not you got into Heaven?”

There’s a pause and when Rachel doesn’t move to speak, Quinn pulls back to find the brunette staring down at Elizabeth.

“Rachel-”

“Didn’t you want to watch  _My Fair Lady_?” Rachel asks, interrupting whatever Quinn was going to say. “I’ll have to go get it upstairs.”

Rachel rises off the floor and drops Elizabeth back down on the couch, behind Quinn’s body so she doesn’t try to jump off – because, Quinn can’t decide if it’s a good or bad thing, Elizabeth inherited Puck’s fearlessness and tried to take a running leap off the armchair last week, only stopped because Mr. Berry said he  _“had a lot of practice with Rachel when she was younger”_  and he’s good at being across the room in half the time of a normal person.

Quinn turns over to face Elizabeth and frowns. “Your Rachel is being weird,” she mutters.

“Yay!” Elizabeth repeats, clapping again.

\---

“She’s being-”

“I don’t care.”

Quinn groans. “Santana, would you just listen to me? She’s avoiding me.”

“She’s avoiding the topic of college,” Santana corrects. “There’s a difference. And don’t worry,” Santana says dismissively. “She’s probably just waiting for the right time to pitch the idea.”

“I already know she’s going to New York,” Quinn points out.

Santana sits up on Quinn’s bed. “Then why are we having this conversation?”

Quinn sits up. “Well, did she say anything to you about it?”

“Does it look like Berry and I talk about things?” Santana doesn’t wait for an answer. “The only one she ever talks to about this kind of stuff is  _you_.”

“Right,” Quinn says with a sigh. “I forgot you were part soul-less.”

Santana picks at her nails. “I resent that, and I prefer heart-less, if you’re really going to be petty about this.”

“Why did I invite you over?” Quinn whines.

“To babysit the tiny human.”

Quinn shakes her head. “You’re lucky that Brittany doesn’t love you for your winning personality.”

Santana lifts off the bed and out of the room, descending the stairs. “Yeah, but you should see what she  _does_  love me for.”

\---

“Okay,” she declares, shutting Rachel’s bedroom behind her. “Your dad’s took Elizabeth to get a Christmas tree so you and I are going to talk.”

Rachel looks up from the book she’s reading and smiles as if she’s just noticing Quinn. “They’re gone?”

“Yes,” Quinn says slowly.

“Well, good.” Rachel shuts her book and stands, crossing the room, grabbing Quinn’s hands and pulling her closer. “I haven’t been able to properly kiss you in  _days_.”

Quinn’s protest is pushed down as Rachel’s mouth connects with hers, and she groans reflexively, hands sliding around and slipping up under Rachel’s sweater. Rachel steps back, the top of the backs of her thighs connecting with her desk and Quinn breaks the kiss, laughing.

Over Rachel’s shoulder, Quinn glances quickly at the desk and moves to kiss Rachel again, but pulls back quickly.

“What?”

Quinn ignores her, pushing away at hands that grab for her, and reaches down into the trash barrel.

“Quinn,” Rachel starts, but Quinn begins to read over Rachel’s attempts to stop her.

“Dear Ms. Berry, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the theatre program here at Julliard...” Quinn trails off and looks up at Rachel. “You got this letter almost a month ago.”

“What’s your point?”

Quinn slams the letter down on the desk. “My point is that you didn’t tell me you got in!” She smiles widely and grabs Rachel by the front of her sweater, kissing her hard. “That’s  _great_ ,” she whispers.

Rachel lifts her head and presses a soft kiss to Quinn’s bottom lip, mumbling something against Quinn’s mouth.

“What?”

“I said,” Rachel starts, clearing her throat, “that I’m not going.”

Quinn’s entire body stills. “I’m sorry?” she asks, her voice strangled. “Did you just say you’re turning down  _Julliard_?”

Rachel nods slowly as Quinn steps back and drops to a seated position on the edge of the bed. “I already turned them down,” Rachel clarifies.

“You did  _what_?” Quinn asks slowly, in a calm, controlled voice.

She watches Rachel’s eyes grow wide. “I only applied because you pushed me to.”

“You’ve wanted to go to Julliard your entire life!”

Rachel shrugs. “Plans changed.”

“What plans?” Quinn shouts. “I don’t remember any plans changing. You were going to Julliard.”

“What about you?”

“What _about_  me?” Quinn asks. “I’m staying here, in Lima. Your dad’s said I could stay until I get enough money and a job and then I’m getting somewhere where Elizabeth and I can live on our own. That’s my plan, remember?”

“No,” Rachel says, “I don’t remember that. I thought that you and I-”

“You and I  _what_?”

“You and me and Elizabeth,” Rachel says helplessly.

Quinn blinks a few times and tries to shake the fog in her head. Angrily, she strides across the room and throws open Rachel’s closet door, turning back to Rachel and pointing at the door violently. “This.  _This_  is the plan we talked about,” she says turning back to the inside of the door. “ _This_ is what we…”

“I was trying to tell you,” Rachel says softly.

“Oh,” is all Quinn can think to say. She turns to face the inside of the door fully and her fingers trace the posterboard stapled to the wood. “Rachel-”

“Every time I started to tell you, you brought up Julliard so I kept telling myself I’d talk about it later,” Rachel explains.

“How long have you been-”

Rachel cuts in. “It’s been an unofficial idea since the first time you kissed me.”

She turns with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. “That was two years ago.”

“Well, the plan wasn’t finalized right away,” Rachel says sheepishly, a hint of a blush on her face. “I mean, I’m not that girl who goes out on one date, or gets kissed once and starts to plan out the entire future of our lives together.” She shrugs. “You were different though; you always have been. I altered The Board when Elizabeth was born.”

Quinn turns back to the board. “You decided not to go  _Julliard_  because of me and my kid.”

“Because you of and Elizabeth,” Rachel repeats.

“And you’re going to,” she traces the lines on the poster, tilting her head to the side to read the words, “go to the Lima campus of Ohio State?”

She hears hair swishing behind her and assumes that Rachel is nodding.

“You’re going to throw to just your life away for me and my daughter,” she says nonchalantly.

Hands are spinning her around before she even hears the footsteps and Rachel is in her face, breathing heavy and eyes flashing. She pushes back against Rachel’s shoulders, feeling her own heart rate rise.

“Why are you so stupid sometimes?” she asks before Rachel can say anything. “Why would you do something so  _stupid_  like throw away a Julliard acceptance letter? Do you realize that you’re throwing away your  _future_?”

Rachel opens her mouth, closes it, and opens it again. “I was kind of hoping you and Elizabeth could be my future.”

Quinn’s anger drains and she feels her face cooling and her mouth goes dry. Weakly, she punches Rachel in the shoulder, immediately dropping her head into the crook of Rachel’s neck.

“You’re an idiot,” she mutters against Rachel’s skin. She pulls back and hits Rachel in the arm again. “And you should have talked about it with me.”

“Surprise,” Rachel says faintly.

“It’s not funny,” Quinn protests. “Promise me; next time you make a life-altering decision, you’re going to run it by me before you put it on The Board.”

Rachel nods solemnly. “I promise.” She tilts her head to the side and smirks. “I love you?”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Quinn murmurs under her breath, pulling Rachel’s mouth back to her own.

\---

Later that night, with Elizabeth asleep in her crib and Berry Dad 1 and 2 asleep in their rooms and Rachel sprawled across her bed, her body curled around the empty space where Quinn just was, Quinn opens the closet door, slides in and shuts it gently behind her.

She fumbles for the light and after a moment of swinging her arm through the air, she finds the chain and tugs it. The single bulb lights up the tiny cubicle of space, illuminating The Board on the back of the door.

Her hands trace and her eyes follow. There’s a picture of the Lima campus and the 2009 McKinley High Glee Club yearbook photo, with Mr. Schuester’s name crossed out as Advisor and Rachel’s name written in. A post-it note taped next to the picture says “Mr. Schuester will get old. Take over of Glee is inevitable.”

In the other corner of The Board is a picture of Rachel and Elizabeth sitting in a chair and Quinn leaning over the top of the chair, her face pressed against Rachel’s. Elizabeth’s face is circled in red with a line leading to a list. Quinn grabs the swinging light bulb chain and pulls it a little closer to The Board so she can read the list: 1. Get Elizabeth into the preschool over on Drayton – good use of the creative arts involved; 2. Dance classes; 3. Singing lessons; 4. First beauty pageant at age 5…”

Quinn can see the list goes on and on and that there’s another list that connects back to the picture with a green line with notes like: first home, get a dog – which is crossed out and noted with a special “Puck’s dog is the devil, get a cat instead” amendment.”

She laughs lightly, feeling the back of her eyes burn.

“Only you,” she whispers, pulling the chain so the light clicks off, and slipping back into the darkened room.

“Only me what?” Rachel asks quietly from the bed. “And why are you up?”

“Nothing,” Quinn whispers, sliding back under the covers that Rachel lifts for her. “I love you,” she whispers.

Rachel whispers it back, but her words are muffled against Quinn’s hair and it comes out more like “Wuf goo boo.”

\---

If Quinn wants to be honest with herself, people warned her about this kind of thing. Finn, Mr. Schuester, Mr. Berry and Mr. Berry, Puck, and even that Jacob kid all told her that when Rachel does something, when Rachel commits to something, she does it completely and without hesitation.

Loving Quinn was another one of those things.


End file.
